I am so thankful for the amount of support coming through. Words cannot express how thankful I am, and how much I appreciate it. So many of you are asking if I need anything, and I am so grateful. I have always tried to help others, and always felt I can do it on my own and make it work, which makes me have a hard time asking anyone for help. So to all of you, again, thank you.
My mind is a total haze, everything that I do feels like I am going through the motions but am not quite there. Sleeping is hard because every time I wake up I think that this is all a dream. That I can just get up and go to work like normal, and Lenny and I will be having breakfast while the cats drink out of his milk glass. Then I realize it did happen, and my haze of a day starts all over again. I feel like a walking zombie and everything I do makes me think of Lenny. Today in the grocery his favorite donuts were right there staring at me. I wanted to bring him one because all day he has been complaining of being hungry.
This morning I got a call from the hospital at I think around 7am, by this time of the night things get a little fuzzy, telling me that Lenny was getting anxious and was asking for me. I asked them if I could come over there because my first visiting session was not for 2 hours. They said I could, but just for a minutes. When I got there they let me in and I got to stay for 5 minutes. He seemed ok, maybe just needed some comfort.
We headed over for the morning session visit and he was pretty asleep. I think they sedated him a little from the anxiety he was feeling. No news updates because the trauma nurses were really busy with another patient.
Jen arrived to be with me Monday, because Mel who came with me, had to leave on Tuesday unfortunately to get home to Kodie and Kelly. Well Jen had to leave today at noon to get home to the kids, and I hated to see her leave. I just want to thank them and tell them how much I love them for taking time out of their lives to come here with me. They took care of zombie me, got me clothes, told me to eat, and just sat there with me in silence knowing there was nothing any of us could do to change this.
At the afternoon session he was still really sleepy, but tried to communicate with us a little, but not much. Still no news on any changes, he was just fighting along.
At the evening visit he was awake pretty much, groggy but awake. It took us about 15 minutes to figure out he was hungry and his mouth was dry, but we got it. Then he again went to wanting me to bath him. We talked to the nurses and they let me do a little for him so I was glad to do something for him. (Plus no one should be touching those parts but me anyways! Giggle) I feel so helpless watching him lay there, in one breath thinking how lucky he is to be alive, and in another breath wondering how this could be happening, it is like something out of a movie or TV show that doesn't happen to real people right? How many times do you see or read about tragedies like this one, and it never crosses your mind that this could happen to you. I didn't even get to see him before he left, I had to go to work and he wasn't home yet. I think about the fact that I talked to him on the phone less than an hour before they crashed, that I should have said something different, that I should have stopped them somehow. I remember talking to Jakie, he says to me every time, and I mean every time, he gets on the phone with me "what up dork". I thought about going with them, maybe I would have stopped them, maybe I could have prevented this, but that is all a mute point now. Anyways, guess I have gotten off on a rant, but my mind does not focus good to stay on track, so on to the night visit.
The night visit was very short. When we got there they told us that he was being sedated due to the anxiety, so I only got to say goodnight and I love you. I love that he gives me the I Love You symbol in sign language, it is priceless. We had a new night nurse, as Barry only works 3 days. Her name is Angie and she was very nice. She explained to us that they will start doing 'trach trials" tonight. That means that they will turn off the vent for up to 2 hours to see how his breathing does. All his breaths are his own, so it will hopefully go well. They will alternate this every two hours as long as he does well. Then tomorrow they will do it for longer intervals until eventually he is off the vent, which is great news.
It is a little after 10pm and this time every night I get somber thinking about them all lying out there being searched for. I read on a forum today that a firefighter that was out there said he was surprised Lenny was alive, and that it took them over an hour to cut him out of the boat. All I have to say is thank you rescue, police, firefighters, emt's, the dispatcher who helped me find him, Julie, the social worker at the hospital who told me about Lenny's injuries, and anyone else I should be thanking. It would be my life's dream to meet you all and give you a hug. I have no one to thank more then you for saving them all. If you are out there, please let me know. I also would like to thank the Deputy that calls me to check on Lenny and his progress. Without you all he would not be here. Words cannot express how much love I have for you all in my heart.
As I sit here staring at the screen every minute that ticks by seems like an eternity, and I just keep convincing my brain to keep going, my body to keep walking, and my heart to stop hurting. I have never felt the heaviness in my heart that I feel now. I beg all of you to share my story with everyone you know, because let me tell you, THIS CAN HAPPEN TO YOU! If I never see another drop of alcohol or a boat again in my entire life it is to soon. I am sure many of you can think of a time when you pushed the limit, in a boat, in a car, anytime. Someone posted somewhere, to take a look around, look at your passengers, and decide if you are willing to risk them. If you are willing to risk their lives and their families lives. I beg you to not do it.