So as usual I will start with thanking you all for your comments. I cannot even tell you how many hours I spend staring at the blog, reading and re-reading all of your comments. Even those of you who do not know us send your love and prayers which is the best medicine. I cannot believe it has almost been a week since the accident. The time has just been a blur.
You will remember that yesterday I told you they were going to try Lenny on trials to get him off of the ventilator. They were going to take him off the vent at 10pm for up to two hours depending on how he did. I called at midnight to see how he did, the nurse told me he failed. He didn't even make it a minute. He just wasn't ready yet. I just couldn't get it out of my head so I barely slept. All I can do is think about what the next day will bring for Lenny and I.
At the morning visit he was sleeping, and we met his new nurse. She was wonderful. Really paid attention to his needs and wants and communicated with him well. He now has a little button he can push when he has pain, but I guess he is never really pushing it. I think he is so out of it he forgets it is there, so she called the doctor to get him back on pain meds that are given to him on a time line. It was nice to see her thinking of what is best for him. She told us that they would not try the vent trials again for a few days to give him more time to recover.
By the afternoon visit he was still sleepy, so we only stayed a few minutes. They changed all his bed sheets and moved him around in the bed and you could tell he was a little more comfortable. We asked the nurse to check with the doctor on how soon his eyes will be unstitched so he can see us again, and she is supposed to get back to us.
The evening visit was great. He was more awake and excited to see us. When we arrived we had to wait a few minutes into our visiting time because they were changing the bandages on his legs. It was nice to see his legs, and the wounds. I guess the more things you can finally see and understand the better you feel about it, the unknown is always hard to understand. He has tons of staples of course from the surgeries, and the lower left leg is messed up pretty bad from the severity of the compound fracture. He also was receiving another round of red blood for the second day in a row. The open wound on his leg and the facial oozing is causing him to need blood. ANOTHER REASON WHY WE ALL NEED TO REMEMBER TO GIVE BLOOD. They were also getting the TV set up for him to listen to the Laker Game, he is so spoiled. I had the LAKER GNOME mailed to me today so I will hopefully have it in a day or so (for those of you who don't know what that is, he has a Laker Collection that includes a Laker Gnome, he puts the gnome out for each game to watch it with him for luck). I think it will pick up his spirits to know it is here.
For the second time an old friend from high school, Melisa, brought us a home cooked meal. She has been wonderful. She picked me up from the airport and took me to the hospital, brought us a home cooked meal on Sunday at the hospital, and then again tonight. I haven't even seen her in like 15 years but it feels like it was just yesterday. She doesn't even ask, she just does. She is an amazing person. It is amazing to me the hospitality we humans have. The way we can bind together in time of tragedy, even to strangers. I received a $40 donation from a total stranger yesterday. I was without words, engrossed with emotion that someone would do something like this for me. So I thank you. The connection I feel with people I have not even met is amazing, and I could not ask for better support. I have a hard time asking anyone for anything, because I have this controlling type of personality that just thinks I can handle anything and make anything work, so I wish I could think of things I need to take you all up on your offers....but my mind just goes blank. I can barely think at all and when I do it is just of Lenny, so please don't think I am ignoring your offers, I just don't know what to ask for.
The night visit was the first time I have broken down with Lenny. I could not help myself. I made the visit by myself because YiYi was not feeling good. When I got there he heard me come in and was waving me over. He was so happy to know I was there. The first thing I do when I get there is make sure he doesn't need anything. He needed to be moved in the bed a little, because he was sliding down, but for the most part he was ok. He has never held my hand as tight as he did tonight, and he actually pulled it up to his lips and kissed my hand repeatedly. I could not control myself and I started sobbing. He then held both my hands so tight against his stomach and we started to play "Lenny Charades" as he wanted to tell me something. He kept motioning "me and you" and after many questions I got to the fact that he didn't want me to leave. I tried to explain to him that they wouldn't let me stay, but that if he just went to sleep I would be back in the morning. I told him over and over that I would not leave him here, that I would stay in Phoenix as long as he is here and that he didn't have to worry. That I would never miss a single visit as long as they let me in. My heart was breaking just when I thought there was nothing left in there to break that I couldn't stay with him. I told him as soon as we got him in a normal ICU room I would be able to be with him all day. I asked the nurse to give him something to help him sleep because I knew the anxiety would be coming because he would not let go of me. I was sobbing, but couldn't let him know it. I just stood there bent over with him clutching me to his chest. I would have done anything to stay there with him, but I know I had to go right on time so I didn't violate the visiting rules. I have held myself to the visiting rules "TO THE LETTER" as I don't want to be that family member you have to kick out everyday or is difficult. I want them to make My Lenny better, and if that means I only get to see him for 30 minutes four times a day so be it. Maybe once I can be with him all day and help take care of him I will start to move forward, but until then I feel lost and unstable.
I am sure as time progresses these blogs will be more upbeat, and I apologize for venting off on here, I know you are here to know about Lenny's progress, but frankly, all of you are all I got. Our family, our friends, and those that are becoming our family and friends. Every message I receive from you gives me that moment of strength that I pull from you, that gets me through one more day, one more minute, one more second, reminds me to take that next breath. Please know that I could never say enough how much I value all of you. How I long to hug each and every one of you, how I long for this to just be over and Lenny and I be home with our kitties. I love you all.