So today was a rough day. We arrived at the morning visit to learn that Lenny had a rough night and they had to turn up the oxygen on his vent. Which means that he will not be doing any vent trials to get off the vent today. Also, he had pulled out his feeding tube that goes in his nose and down into his intestines. This means they would have to put it back in, which was not going to be fun for him. He was sleeping the whole time we were there because they had given him medicine to calm him down. So basically he took a big step backwards overnight, not life threatening steps backward, but progress steps backward.
Upon arriving back at the hotel I had a package from my work. It was full of gift cards and positive words that brought tears to my eyes. How could I be so lucky to be part of such a wonderful family. I love you guys, and wouldn't be able to make it through this without you.
When we arrived at the afternoon visit the nurse told us she tried to get the feeding tube back in but has been unsuccessful. He hates it, of course, so they were having a hard time. He was pretty much out of it all day because of all the medication for pain and to relax him. They are not sedating him because it would not be helpful to his breathing recovery, but he is getting pain medicine and something to help him relax. Plus every time he gets excited it just takes to much energy out of his and he is even more tired.
In the afternoon I received 5 more Get Well/Support cards and I can't thank you all enough. Alaina's daughter Chloe had even colored Lenny a picture of a cat cause she knows how much "Yenny yikes kitties". It was priceless. I spent the afternoon busily writing out thank you cards for all the donations I have received towards Lenny's care. I am speechless with gratitude to you all for your prayers, love, and support.
At the evening visit I was so excited to see him because he had been out of it all day, and when we walked in the nurses told me not to wake him. They had put the feeding tube back in after a two hour ordeal and he was pissed. He tried pulling everything out including the breathing tube so it had been a rough afternoon. So we only stayed a few minutes so as not to disturb him. At this point I was starting to melt down after this trying day, and on top of it all he really hasn't been communicating with us much in the past few days. I was a little glad two days ago when he was out of it and not asking me about the Laker Game (they lost by 20 and that was news I did not want to report), but now it was just getting to be a long time since I really felt his presence there. All we get is about 20 seconds of him squeezing my hand tightly and then he is back to sleep. I know he needs his rest and I want him to get it. I am just missing him. This whole ordeal scares me so much that I don't know where to channel those feelings. Those of you that know me know that I have become very good over the years on holding everything inside and just pushing it down, but I have not been able to push this down. It all sits in my stomach, or at least that is where it feels like it is, and never goes away. I am sure I will find a way to deal with all of these feelings I have inside, but as of right now I just feel like ...... I don't know what. A lot of me feels like I have no reason to feel all these feelings because at least he is alive, but it all still hurts so much. There are so many aspects of this hurting me that I don't know how to deal with, but none of that matters, only Lenny does. Lenny getting better and coming home. I can't even imagine at this point being at home in our house without him there if he has to go to rehabilitation center for his legs. I am scared for what he is thinking inside his head when he is awake, he has a feeding tube in his nose, a neck brace, a breathing tube into the trach in his throat, his jaw wired shut, his eyes are stitched closed, two broken legs, and his hands are tied down to the bed. It must be awful for him. He can't see, can't talk, and can't move. I know it could be worse, but it must be torture for him in there.
At the night visit he was still asleep, and I just stood there and held his hand lightly so I didn't disturb him. They had turned down the oxygen on the vent so vent trials can resume again tomorrow. I stood there and studied his face as the swelling is going down slowly and the bruising is lightening. His skin looks beautiful. We got so lucky to have such a fabulous facial reconstruction surgeon. The only thing that I can think he will have different when this is all over is the scar that runs from ear to ear over the top of his head and his nose. His nose looks beautiful, but it will have some scarring and maybe some changes to his nostrils, but for the most part he looks great. They had told us so much awful things to prepare for when we were on the way here for his face, but it was all mostly his nose, which they fixed before we ever even saw him. I am glad for that. I imagined his face was all messed up like hamburger meat, but it isn't, it was just his nose and that is fixed. Everything that is wrong with his face is under the surface. We won't know if he will need more facial work until after he has healed more. He may still need a plate behind his eye to keep it from sinking back, he already has one underneath to keep it from sinking down, but for the most part the worst seems to be over. Now just the healing. The doctor joked with me when he was doing the facial surgery if we wanted the big holes in his ears he has stretched out stitched up. I told him no way, he already lost his goatee which was his pride and joy. He has been growing that for 10 years, and I don't know if he remembers it is gone, but when he does I know he will be disappointed. I have not seen Lenny clean shaven EVER, I don't even know the last time he has seen himself clean shaven. LOL.
Today was a rough day, tomorrow will be a better day.
Love to you all, Nancy